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  #11  
Old 07-04-2010, 08:18 AM
Khan kreiger Khan kreiger is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikey View Post
good story liked it a lot sep for the elves thing pfft we arnt that weak
Haha im sorry maybe if i make a second part to it ill make some elves do more and better things in it
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  #12  
Old 07-04-2010, 08:19 AM
Khan kreiger Khan kreiger is offline
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Originally Posted by Puppeteer View Post
No you didn't!



If he continues the story, and reuses the words, he shouldn't need to! Ie. think Anthony Burgess
If i continue the story I might use some of the same words but i will for sure use different words so ill put in bracket on what the words mean.
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  #13  
Old 07-04-2010, 10:21 PM
Khan kreiger Khan kreiger is offline
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Part 2


After the destruction of the capital cities Dagbor and Illas Tiltos in the Nhob' Ru and Teria region there was still some men able to fight and they all fled to Darssen as a last stand against the orc Gr Mada. The elves went out to sea to go further north where they had strong allies. Since the orc Gr Mada tripled his army in size he finally made two other generals named Grewgar and the other Mergoth. Both willing to serve under their masters plans and willing to die for his name. Grewgar joined the orc Gr Mada's army in the battle for Dagbor but didn't mention his name for it did not matter till he showed his loyalty by killing two hundred soldiers. He controls five thousand orcs, five hundred rebel men and thousand dark elves. There was no need for any catapults, battering rams, siege towers or ladders because he was just meant for open battle. Mergoth only had one thousand five hundred warg riders for a hit a run tactic.

The orc Grr Mada had order both generals to go to Darssen to kill the rest of these pathetic creatures they call warriors. While the two generals were taking out the humans the orc Gr Mada found documents from Doredale of making ships. His builders made many attempst but finally made two and one called Bireme the other just a rowboat. The bireme holds about one hundred and twenty men and a rowboat holds fifty men. They built she ships because the orc Gr Mada's scouts found out a couple days ago that the elves have got on some kind of creatures to go north. His builders made hundreds of bireme's and rowboats to not only move his army but to also bring over some builders to start a new settlement in the north.

After a week of traveling on sea one of the orc Gr Mada's scouts spotted and unusually huge turtle.....the orc scout says to his leader, GRR Mada! gellem seg okka(enemy is here) me's think's...DRELL(forward) screams the Gr Mada. They get close enough to see a HUGE sea turtle with walls and towers on its back. Orcs look over the sides of the bireme to see waves moving in an odd pattern. Tentacles come up around one ship wrapping around it and pulling it down with orcs jumping off the bireme. The Gr Mada grunts in anger and yells ORCS HARRAT HEH GARROGG!!(ready for battle)...TERREDD GELLEM!!. Then one orc says how we akk( cannot fight) what we cant see Gr Mada. Suddenly five female krakens come up and start attacking row boats and biremes, archers start to fire at there heads but the arrows deflect since the kraken has a hard shell over its head. The krakens took down two more ships and go back down under water.......the orcs have no choice but to wait. Gr Mada tells the archers to put oil on the arrows then use fire to cook them. The female krakens pop back up and Gr mada yells SKARRAV(attack for orcs) the oil sticks on and then the fire arrows come burning the krakens while the orcs chant of victory when the huge sea turtle still stands. The orcs look up to see elves boarded on this massive beast. Grr Mada whipsers Habbutoo(shaman curse) elves.....CATAPULTS SKARRAV THIS BEAST. As the fire balls just about hit a scout sees some elves doing some kind of spell for a force field of some kind. The Gr Mada speaks saying....we need to land on this beast men do you want some GELLEMAK!!(enemy blood) everyone yells URRR!!(yes). Grapple hooks shoot out from the front of the biremes and latch onto the sea turtles fins as it screams in pain. The Gr Mada didn't think it would work but he guessed that the mages needed to recharge. His men climb across the ropes and then start scaling the shell of the sea turtle as the elves on board fire down on the orcs preventing them from advancing up top the walls. Lucky the Gr Mada recruited the dark elves because they know magic aswell. The dark elves start casting fire balls at the walls and some orcs get on top the walls. Gr Mada says this if foolish bring up the ogres, as the ogres come up two massive ancient krakens come out the water and start destroying every ship coming towards them. The ogres trained from the orc Grr Mada personally don't easily take defeat. Five ogres drop their heavy shields and jump onto these krakens with their swords and start hacking away chopping off the tentacles. The sea fills red from the blood of this battle and it strengthens the orcs just the sight of blood. As the elves see they have no chance but they still fight to the last man.

Earlier before in the Teria region where the two generals Grewgar and Mergoth got their units in formation to seige Darssen. This fortress is over flowing with men, so much so that two thousand knights had to be outside the fortress and also for flanking the enemy. They had only three hundred archers and two thousand soldiers and only five trebuchets. Grewgar sees the little road his army has to get up to get to the gate so he decides to surround the castle and tells his men to use grapple hooks to climb the cliffs over the walls. He says to his men HARRAGEN!(charge) and some charge the gate and most climb the cliffs. As this is going on Mergoth and his warg riders are patrolling around making sure no one escapes but he doesn't know that two thousand knights are ready and waiting. A scout from the knights spots the warg riders and tells the general, the knights march. Mergoth spots the knights then yells HARRAGEN!!....his wargs charge with excitement for blood. The knights blow a horn to sound the charge. They clash and both men and orcs go flying off their mounts but the men have double the threat of a orc and a warg to deal with. Grewgars orcs reached the walls with surprise and start killing off archers and soldiers. The orcs breach the gate without a battering ram since the fortresses walls and gates aren't fully fortified. They take the city easily and have captured most. More then thirty percent asked for mercy and to join the orc army as rebel men the rest were food for the orcs even though they wernt hungry. They occupied the city to build up battering rams and catapults.

Further in the north where most of the elves reached a scout reported to a high elf to speak of dreded news. The scout says Bentita atro Mallee(good day friend) the high elve replies birethos mallee(greetings friend) the scout says gelmees(orcs) took out our great ato(water) krakio(weapons) the ollfah will be here in four days. The high elves replies...warn the asthmos(soldiers) to get their elros(sword) and firlos(arrow) it is time for KHALLEE!!(war)
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  #14  
Old 01-20-2011, 11:34 PM
Crunchygoblin Crunchygoblin is offline
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Default :D

Nice read for someone who's extremely bored.
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  #15  
Old 01-20-2011, 11:53 PM
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Joseph Visscher Joseph Visscher is offline
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Ahem, Chapter 3 please!!!


So ... ahhh... Khan, you going to,,,, ahhh,,, play as Orcs in dawn of fantasy? Maybe?

Just one mishap I could not resist bringing up.
"The Gr Mada speaks saying....we need to land on this beast men do you want some GELLEMAK!!"
Men,,,, MEN!!!, you mean ORCS! Your using 'men' and 'man' incorrectly, they refer to humans, Use Orcs, Orc, Orcish, Elves, Elf, and Elven. It does take away from the immersion your story creates.

(Thumps up)


Khan Tell me if you want me to delete everyone else's posts, and we can set up a whole bunch of reserved posts for you to edit in new chapters.
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Last edited by Joseph Visscher : 01-21-2011 at 12:08 AM.
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  #16  
Old 01-22-2011, 04:39 PM
Khan kreiger Khan kreiger is offline
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aaah had no idea some people still read this, but ive been thinking of a chapter 3 just recently and to make it more detailed.....use your tip of use of the word men :P
Yes i will be playin as orcs of course i love them
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  #17  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:17 PM
dimabernat dimabernat is offline
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Didnt anderstand it
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  #18  
Old 02-05-2011, 06:07 PM
billybob567 billybob567 is offline
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you should seperate it into paragraphs make it easier to read
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