Jokes/Humor :D

[Emrus]

While you guys(not sure about me yet) wait for the upcoming beta testing, why not add some humor to this thread and throw some funny things/jokes around here to keep us laughing.

Laughs keep doctors away!


I'll start:


3 travelers went to a forest,named A,B and C.
when suddenly they were ambushed by barbarians.
they got captured and taken to face the barbarian chief.
the traveler begged to the chief to release them.
the chief kindly tell them to find 10 fruits in the forest.
the fruits must be the same, so for example, 10 oranges, 10 pears, etc.

the travelers went to the forest, finding for fruits.
the first traveler came back, along with 10 apples.
the chief told the traveler to swallow the apples,
but they're not allowed to munch them,
so they have to eat as a whole fruit.
they're also not allowed to make noises, like speaking or crying.
if they can finish the task, they'll be released.
but if they can't, their head will be cut off.
the first apple is swallowed, second, third...
but when the forth, he screamed that he can't take it anymore
then his head was cut off because of screaming.

the second traveler came back too, along with 10 grapes.
he swallowed the first, second, third, forth,
fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth...
however, when he just want to swallow the last one,
he laughed at the third traveler loudly when the third traveler came back,
so his head was cut off because of laughing.

in the heaven, the first and the second traveler met each other:
A:"hey, looks like you've failed the task too, huh.."
B:"yeah... what did you take?"
A:"i took 10 apples, it just too hard... what about you?"
B:"i see... i took 10 grapes..."
A:"hey, grapes are small! how could you fail?"
B:"actually, i could swallow the last grape, but i couldn't help but laughing out loud, watching C came back with 10 watermelons..."

[Emrus]

here is another:-


George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the President said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the President.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

[Mikey]

Dwarf Shortage.

[Satero]

There's a prison, and three death-row prisoners are being taken out into the courtyard to be executed. The commander comes out with the shooters to the wall where they are to be shot down and killed.

__________________

They bring the first death-row inmate up, and the commander says, "Ready...aim..." The inmate points forward and shouts, "Tornado!" The executers look back, saying, "Where's the tornado? Where is it?" The first man runs away.

__________________

They bring the second inmate up, and the commander says, "Ready...aim..." The man points forward and shouts, "Tidal wave!" The shooters look back, fooled again, saying, "Where's the tidal wave? Where is it?" The second man runs away as well.

__________________

They bring the third man up, and the commander says, "Ready...aim..." This prisoner, thinking he was smart, pointed forward and shouted, "Fire!" And they shot him.

[Armatus]

lmao... Hahaha.
Great jokes overall.

[awrington]

An airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a - 'Thanks for flying XYZ airline' .

An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.

Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma'am', said the pilot, 'What is it', the little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

[amidamaru34]

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

[kakachi]

Pankakes!!!!!

[kakachi]

Hamburgreeer!

[Guard of Olympus]

I enjoyed the Bush one, very cleaver! :D

[Tartear]

What does a bungee jumper and a prostitute have in common?
They both get their life screwed over once the rubber breaks.

[Redhorn]

How do you know when you have had to much to drink?

When you go into the restroom with half of a beer and leave with a full one.

[Norp]

How do you know when you have had to much to drink?

When you go into the restroom with half of a beer and leave with a full one.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Nebel]

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
that was pretty clever.